Saturday, April 9, 2011


Today is Saturday, and my last post was just a few short days ago. It feels like it was forever ago. The trial and pain of being a ripe-for-the-harvest pregnant woman left me reflecting on "pain" and how that mini-trial, and its grouchy self-imposed symptoms, left me suspecting that should I really endure a major trial like cancer, there was a risk I might be in the bitter category (as opposed to the sweet communion category).

So yeah, a real trial that has the risk of life, or perhaps the risk of financial suicide. Maybe both. A trial (and I can see more clearly now: a blessing) that came to the earth just a few short hours after clicking "publish" on the hypotheticals of pain: a beautiful blonde boy, born at 7:55 a.m. on Tuesday April 5th, weighing a staggering 9 pounds 10 ounces.

Since that time I have pondered the ironies of this crazy week.

How The Mister of the House and I chose a birthing center, so we could receive professional treatment outside the annoying protocol of a hospital birth.

How this decision was also based on the fact that a normal safe birth at a birthing center would cost considerably less than a normal safe birth at the hospital.

And how, apart from the terror-inducing screams that bellowed from the innermost parts of my soul as this giant baby passed through the birth canal, I enjoyed a childbirth that was quick, healthy, attentive, and safe.

It's no wonder that we were shocked when just 5 hours after giving birth, during which time I enjoyed a full one-hour cuddle session immediately after his arrival, a time when I nursed him twice, a time when we cooed and sniffed and laughed at the unforseen odds of getting another blondie, well were just a little confused and shocked to be following an ambulance whisking our offspring to the NICU at the hospital just a few miles away.

Ironic that such a big healthy boy is so sick! Infection in the lungs, attending rise in blood pressure in the lungs, putting undue work on his little heart, and a seven day run of IV antibiotic fluids.

Ironic how we relished the thought of not being in the hospital, and how I now live there. Ironic how the hospital staff, and their annoying protocol, saved and is continuing to save my son's life.

Ironic that we planned on returning home the same day for an informal birthday party, and we haven't been home since (well at least me and the babe).

How my sweet and thoughtful blessing way necklace is around my neck everyday, but with another accessory: a NICU PARENT badge.

And more importantly, the irony that this pain is so much more real when compared to the pain I complained of on Monday (although valid: come on! I had a nearly 10 pound kid in my gutt).

And the sweet revelation that God is ever mindful of our family, and especially our little boy, and how we feel lifted up by his spirit through this unexpected detour we are taking. Through the tears, and the heart-to-heart conversations, The Mister and I have felt a sweet communion as we reflect on the possible and shocking changes this may bring to our family.

And ironic how we feel so blessed! Our family has been amazing and supportive. Our little giant is making A-MAZING progress in the NICU. He is growing stronger and is now getting all of his sustenance from me (yay!).

We are hoping to go home on Tuesday. Please keep baby Gideon in your prayers for a quick recovery.

** I have so many pictures I want to post! I will update them as soon as I am able. Thanks for all your prayers and concern for our family.**


Wade and Marilyn said...

That was beautiful, and we are so thankful he is getting better. We continue to pray for his recovery.

Mandy said...

I'm so relieved to know that Gideon is getting better every day. I love you and your family very much and I know that this trial will only make you all grow stronger. xox

Sarah d' said...

Oh, Amber. I thoroughly feel your pain and appreciate your insight. I, too, have felt the euphoric pain of a 9 pound 10 ounce mammoth passing through me with no drugs. And I have also felt the fog of living with a NICU baby for thirteen of the most exhaustingly long days of my life. Both my gentle giant and my NICU baby are miracles to me now in different ways. When miraculous Marie showcases her dimpled smile in my direction and says, "I looove you, Mom" I can scarcely breathe. I think of those terrifying moments when we thought we wouldn't bring her home at all. I didn't know at the time how those moments were a future gift, an invitation to appreciate not only her, but the rest of my children in a fresh, more fragile way. I know that these moments with Gideon will be the same way for you and they will make you deeper, richer; they will make you handle life with more care. I've been praying for the whole lot of you. Stay strong. I love your beautiful honesty.

Anonymous said...

Hospitals are awful . . . but maybe a necessary evil, eh?

Praying for you and 'little' Gideon and fam.

paula said...

I am so happy to hear that he is getting better each day. I've been so worried but haven't wanted to call and bug you during all this. I hope you'll be able to take your precious little babe home this next week. Still praying for all of you.

Kristen said...

Amber, what a beautifully written post. And what an amazing perspective you and the Mister have. You're a great example to all of us.

Holly said...

You brought me to tears. I just love you guys so much.

Rands Family said...

I hope that the baby will get better I understand about the nicu I had to do that with my son. He had acid reflix and could not keep food down. Good luck! May God Bless you little family!

trieste said...

Hold on Amber! I had 2 of my little ones in NICU right after birth. It is so lame and the docs need serious sensitivity training to moms who have just given birth. If you need to cry, just let it out!

Candice said...

Congratulations...your little/big one and you are in our prayers. I feel the gratitude pouring out of this post and I feel more grateful reading it.

Nat said...

Oh My!! First of all, baby Gideon is beautiful. What a beautiful big boy! And what a rollercoaster you and your family have been on in recent days! I hope everything goes up from here. How wonderful that he is getting his food from mommy! Keep it up little guy!