Friday, February 6, 2009

Monkey Love

After hearing approximately three anecdotes of young girls getting unauthorized backrubs from friend's fathers, brother, or peers, Mrs. Olsen established the NO SLEEPOVERS rule for her family. We make exceptions for Grandma's and close girlie cousins, but for the most part, it's just a part of life that will hopefully be norm when we make it to the dreaded teen years. Which is why it was such a rare treat for Rainbow Girl who got to have a sleepover with our little friends, Mabel and Nell.

Apparently, we also make exceptions for soul sisters who are desperately ill with a husband on a three-day business trip. Sally, I love you and you are in my prayers.

Like myself, Sally has a NO SLEEPOVERS rule, so I was actually flattered that we could break our rules together. Ssshhh! Don't tell our kids, we think they haven't figured it out. And would you just look at them? Amid the vomit of patterns in this picture, you will find 3 little girls who each found a soft friend to snuggle them through the night : unicorn, puppy, alligator.

Back in Rainbow Girl's bedroom, her usual snuggle buddies had a cold night alone on her bed.

Plushie on the left? From Grandma Anderson. On the right? Grandma Cozy. And in the middle? Mrs. Olsen's first love.

As a kid, my family squeaked out of Apache Avenue to visit our big city cousins in Albuquerque. While there, we visited a rare building called..... a mall. And for some unknown reason to me, my mother pointed to a huge wall of stuffed animals and told me and my sister Niki "Go and pick whatever animal you want!"

I couldn't believe it. There were rows and rows of squishy animals that weren't boring teddy bears! I swiftly picked this monkey and christened him with what I considered to be the coolest and funniest name I could come up with. First, combine two gross and hilarious words: Zit &Wart; then create your own groovey moniker : Zort.

Niki, my stretched out sissy, chose a boring teddy bear and named him Chubby. Together we loved those guys night after night. It became such a habit, I had that guy cranked under my sleeping chin all the way up until high school. We had sleepovers back then (without a hitch thank goodness) so there's many witnesses to me and Niki's madness: Hackworth, Little Red, Toley, Paula, Sop, and our born as a grown-up sister Monica.

I was cured of my cuddling sesssions with Zort after winning a student election in High School. Cranked in the fetal, I laid in bed curled up with Zort under my chin only to have the covers ripped off while still in the middle of my REM cycle, by none other than the cooler older girls that were leaving office. Surprise! Early morning breakfast for the new student officers!

Dazed, I shot up in bed and swung Zort desperately on the ground against the wall. I said a quick prayer that coolgirls Liz Moss and Missy Thatcher didn't see my monkeychild, and stepped out of bed, onto Zort's head, and changed into my clothes.

My mother was warned ahead of time to make sure I was wearing PJ's and didn't shock innocent Idahoans with a sports bra and panties. Apparently she didn't think about Zort and the possible persecution I could have received when the high school learned I still cuddled with my stuffed monkey. Lucky for her no one mentioned anything, but there was still a price for this folly.

I vowed to myself my monkey love was over. Over dammit! Then I relegated him to the shelf for many many moons. And just look at that sweet face? Do you think he's forgiven me?

I eventually let him back in the bed while serving 18 months in the nunnery for my church. Three months into the mission I wrote home:

Enough is enough! Send me the monkey!

He was later replaced by a Mister of the House, and so Zort became resident plushie to Rainbow Girl. He's currently enjoying prime real estate on her bed, but he knows all too well how quickly that can change.

And Mrs. Olsen will be quick to squeeze in a one-night stand should Rainbow Girl ever. Thoughtlessly. Chuck him on the floor then step on his head before shelving him for life.


Lee Family said...

You are funny. I am laughing out loud. I can't believe you would carelessly toss him like that and THEN step on his head. It's like the cowgirl in Toy Story 2 - Zort was singing a sad lil' song while you were off with the cool girls for your initiation/hazing - whatever it was that you thought was cool . . . . apparently it wasn't Zort. I never deserted Chubby or Blanky like that. And one more thing - Chubby is not boring and he does have feelings you big jerk. And was Monica really born a grown-up? I think we need to investigate or you need to write about all of her grown-up tendencies at a young age. Now, that would be a funny post. I will send you a picture of Chubby but please use caution as he is still my teddy bear and there is no longer a blanky to complete the love triangle. hear me.

Anonymous said...

Surprisingly, with all the nights I spent at your house, I don't remember Zort. Sorry. (I do remember Blanky, though.)

But, hey! We have a no sleepovers rule, too. It's nice we're not the only ones--now I can point to you and say, "No. We're not the only parents that don't allow their kids to have sleepovers. Look at this."


P.S. I still occasionally have covetous dreams over Liz Moss's sign handwriting. I'm SO glad I never stepped on a monkey's head in front of her.

Lee Family said...

Bos, you took off the only slightly mean comments listed. I'm okay getting slammed about Chubby. I'm proud of the lil' guy enduring so much and sticking around when the blanky didn't. So, go ahead, and make fun . . . okay.

Lee Family said...

Wanda, do you remember Chubby??? You must.

Mrs. Olsen said...

"Lee Family" at least I didn't arrange my decorator pillows around my childhood teddy bear on my newlywed bed.

Jenny said...

I have been known to still grab my baby blankie and cuddle up with it a couple of nights a year!

I love your header picture- it's beautiful. It almost looks like a painting.

paula said...

I remember him! He's really held up well...I'm shocked.

It's really nice to hear that other parents feel as strongly about the no sleepover rule as I do...I was starting to think I was paranoid. However, I have to admit-I'm so glad our parents didn't enforce this rule....we had some funny times at sleepovers. Do you recall a certain sleepover one summer night when we pushed a particular red FORD truck out of a driveway and halfway down the road before starting it, only to drive out to Teton and deliver some muffins and orange juice anonymously into a certain blue Toyota truck? What were we thinking? Couldn't we see that they were "just not that into us?"

Mrs. Olsen said...

Paula, I agree that I'm soo glad I wasn't restricted from sleepovers. Too many good times...too much trouble!

BTW, us + f.boys = height of nerd-dom.

Sopey said...

All this talk about Zort and Chubby sure makes me jealous. All we got out on the farm to cuddle with was a sack of flour. I'm so sad our sleepovers were post-Zort days.

Mrs. Olsen said...

Sop, I guess you're right. Our sleepover days were during my brief break-up with Zort.

Sorry about the sack of flour. Life on the farm can be rough huh?