Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Letter: Dear Paula

When I confessed to the world that I owned a cheap resin goose, that she had been mended a few times despite my hollow protestations of cheesiness (and set back on the porch), and that she had different outfits to match holidays, seasons, and inklings....well, you said you would make her a new outfit.

I even asked if you were for real. Paula, would you really make Gwendolyn a new outfit?, I asked. That would be so cool! I then exclaimed.

Just so you know, Gwendolyn the Goose has a Santa outfit, so she's covered for the Holidays. She's been diligent to watch over well-wishers, holiday deliverers, and even punk toddlers that fake cry to get attention. She's been good to us, and was happy for the extra facial hair during last week's below zero madness. I told her that you accidentally taught your toddler swear words while sewing 3 homemade bridesmaids dresses that were shiny with satin and a layer of tulle.

I explained that it was because of a deadline and were stressed, but that you really had mad sewing skills. So as long as your little buddy doesn't learn any new swear words during this upcoming creativity dive, she's much obliged.

Gwendolyn is one stacked lady! Here's her measurements:
Floor to the top of her head: 19 inches
Base of her neck (where her santa suit hits): 12 inches
Narrow part of her neck: 6 inches
Voluptuous feathered breasts: 20 inches

With Love,
Mrs. Olsen


LGH said...

Hey, I have missed your posts. I love your writing; very fresha nd original. And the fake cry is priceless. I'm sure that Santa will find something in his bag to give such a cute kid. As for the goose, she looks very content in her festive outfit. Thanks for sharing her measurements; we were all dying to know them!

paula said...

Dear Mrs. Olsen-

Thank you for the measurements. What a voluptuous gal you have. I have an idea that will most flatter her body just wait. And hopefully my little guy won't learn any new swear words in the process. If he does, I'm charging you.


paula said...

by the was 3 layers of tulle.

Lee Family said...

3 layers of tulle? - no wonder you were cussing. I don't even know how to spell tulle let alone sew with the stuff. I can't wait to see Gwendolyn in her dashing outfit.
. . . and Amber, break down and buy a Christmas sweater with wreaths, santas, reindeers and candy canes already. ha ha.

Mrs. Olsen said...

Paula, thanks for clarifying. I tried to steal the bridesmaid phot off your blog but I couldn't figure it out. You are a freaking genius!

sophia said...

I especially enjoyed Buddha Baby's XYZ. tee hee. I'm afraid that, along with his expression, stole the spotlight, even with the goose in color.

Mrs. Olsen said...

Ha ha. I was hoping the sepia would hide the XYZ. You are all correct! Santa will definitely have some love for this kid...and he usually is stealing the show around here.

Wade and Marilyn said...

Buddha Baby is cuter than the goose.