Out from the Shadows: Part One

While in High School, I maintained my own circle of friends, had my own hobbies, got into my own trouble, and yet there was a shadow I could never quite fall out of. Besides my graduating peers, anyone older then me generally referred to me as "Clay's little sister". Clay was the Golden Son who played on the varsity team as a sophomore, was the only blue-eyed child of the entire family, and solidified his status as high school heart-throb by shopping for school clothes 100 miles away, over a dreaded winding mountain pass, among the hoity-toity shops in Jackson Hole, Wyoming.

Can you guess which one is Clay? I was only jealous of my golden-haired brother once. While in high school, I opened the fridge to behold a household rarity, root beer. Elated, I grabbed the can and started to pull the tab, only to have my mother rush me "I'm saving that for Clay! He has a game tonight!" True story. What the...?

After he served a two-year mission for our church, he repented of his previous vanity and vowed he would marry a humble farmer's daughter. Leave it to Clay to find the farmer's daughter who was also a 6-foot tall leggy basketball player who looked like she had grown up among Southern California's Malibu Daughters.

Cha-Ching! Good one bro. You scored.

Here's Clay at a recent High School Reunion. Fifteen + years later and he's still "The Man". Look at the sheen of his a) high thread count shirt and b) perfectly white teeth.

But I have a secret. A dirty little secret about my brother. Not even his old school buddies know. The family knows. The wife knows of course. Now you all will know!!! Mwaa-haa-haa

The guy's a cheap-skate. I pity his waitress.

Clay to offspring: You gonna share those mcnuggets? Get back to the dollar menu!

Offspring: Awww, dad come on. Can we have root beer to drink?

Clay to offspring: (pause) [shocked stifled laugh peeps from his bewildered face]

For the most part, his secret lays safely hidden due to long-tall Salina (see left).

The only thing you need to know about Salina, wife of Clay, is this:

The woman bore three children at once.

By my estimation that entitles her to at least a $10,000 shopping spree. I don't think she's there yet, she has to keep at it so Clay doesn't disappoint his graduating class by showing up in a plaid shirt with sweatpants. It could happen. His fashion sense left when he got the bill for the triplets.

As for Mrs. Olsen, I tend to fall on the long-tall Salina side of things. Aside from the groceries, the laundry, the diapering and loving...there's always something delightful to be had in exchange for some green. I must say that I keep waiting for that savings account to slowly grow from my steady drip of budgeting and cost-effectiveness. I keep waiting and it's not happenin'.

Okay, so we have a little set aside. But doggone it, it's not getting bigger. We try to avoid being the average rabid American consumer of Chinese goods, but month after month we keep asking ourselves the same thing: Where did our money go?