Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Week of Love: Va Va Va VooooOOOM

What good is a Valentines Week of Love without some talk about love-making right? This won't be out of hand, I promise. But first, a story about my sweet and GIANT (and by giant I mean 6feet1inch) little sister, Niki.





So in case you're new here, Mrs. Olsen plus her family are Mormons. That means your goal is to marry in the temple, which is a clean and holy place. And a peaceful place too. To marry there, you have to meet several faithful requirements, one of which is to not be a fornicator. God does love a virtuous woman, this I know. Which means that sex is a wonderful and scary mystery to the average virginal Mormon girl getting married for the first time.

For most people who think that lives on TV are standard, this (being a virginal Mormon girl) is NOT normal.

So my little giant sister Niki, bless her little heart, has left her western landscape where Mormon Culture was prevalent, and is now standing out amongst the heathens of the East. *wink*

Which means that Niki, who already stands out like a sore thumb because of her freakish height, is now standing out because she is young, a wife, and has more than 2 kids (East Coast Standard). Her hubs is in a medical residency, and is just about the ONLY guy that is NOT single, and definitely the only one that has kids.

A fellow resident recently gets married, and Niki and her husband arrive at a get-together to meet and greet the doctor and his new wife. When the new bride meets Niki, who is funny and friendly (and honest...bless her little heart), they start talking about how the wedding was. This led to talk of the new bride's amazing and extravagant honeymoon all through Europe.

So get this, this is my brave sister honestly confronting these rare missionary opportunities denied her in the west:

"Yeah, our honeymoon wasn't that awesome. We were supposed to go to a cabin but that didn't work out, so we just drove to Boise, Idaho. But we are Mormons ya know? So we hadn't had sex before we got married so it didn't really matter where we went cause we hardly left the hotel anyway. (Laugh)"

Pause.

Silence.

Upper-Crust East Coaster says NOTHING, looks at my sister like she's a freak and walks away.

Can I just say that she is putting herself out there and is ready to answer your questions about her religion! I LOVE HER. Boise, Idaho? For real? And since I'm injecting myself into this conversation, here's Mrs. Olsen giving upper-cruster a beeeech-slap for not having a sense of humor...or respect.

Well, my sister is right. You get married and hardly leave the hotel room during your honeymoon and you figure things out without the stupid Sex in the City girlfriends sharing tips and one-upping each other in the bedroom. You are alone, you and your spouse, and you learn to:

*share bank accounts
*plan meals
*go to church together
*share dreams
*work jobs to achieve dreams
*go to school without your folks paying rent anymore
*learn love languages
*pray together
*stop taking road trips cause you have bills to pay
*get a purpose
*support
*sacrifice
*serve

and when you aren't UNITED in the above department, how is it you can UNITE physically without a sort of spiritual schizophrenia?

SEX is the ultimate symbol of a united life in the financial, health, religious, parenting, retirement planning, working, building a home, and loving a family department.

I don't say this to ostracize those that live differently from me and my weird little sister. People are still beautiful, even if fornicators. And little sisters far from home, raising 3 kids and supporting a husband who works 90+ hours a week, going to parties and telling it like it is...will ALWAYS be beautiful to me.

With Love,
Mrs. Olsen

11 comments:

LGH said...

Amber, your honesty is refershing. And, your story telling is entertaining and delightful.

Kelly Bryson said...

Haha. Love this story. So true. I think that the party lady's response (or lack thereof) might have been more to do with not knowing what to say. Chastity is that shocking to these folks.

sophia said...

So beautifully stated. I love your list of marriage pieces. Sex is the culmination of sharing EVERYTHING else.

jennaloha said...

Mormons are freaks. My nieghbors are always shaking their heads at my four barefoot children riding scooters in the street.

But come to think of it maybe that's because they are riding in the street. Barefoot.

Not because there are four of them?

Either way, we're weird Mormons.

Oh. And Niki is a hero!

Wade and Marilyn said...

Great slide show--loved the story--you have a way with words!

Ms Fish said...

This story is funny. And I love how you told it. What an awesome tribute you paid to your fertile (smile) sister!

earwaxtasteslikecrayons said...

She IS beautiful, isn't she? I so wish I could have been there. I could have added my two-honeymoon-bits: "Yeah, we went to Idaho Falls. I think--was it?--The Comfort Inn. And then we went to church the next day."

Thanks--good stuff, Amber.

Mrs. Olsen said...

Oh dear. Idaho Falls and church the next day huh? Wendy, take a second honeymoon for crying out loud!

Jenna, at least your kids get outside! Mormon freaks are the best.

Lee Family said...

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

Lee Family said...

now that I've regained my composure I would like to clarify that it was not at their wedding reception. It was about 6 mos. after they'd been married and we were at an Orthopedic dinner . . . still pretty embarrassing. I was hoping she would be proud of our willpower and then want to take the 1st discussion - ha ha
Do you have to use Giant in front of Mormon dork??

Mrs. Olsen said...

Giant Mormon Dork = Tall and Beautiful Daughter of God in Heathen Country. It's okay Niki, right?