Coupon: FREE Stress and Sugar Highs!

Since I'm trying to beef the savings account, we decided to cut our weekly budget for groceries, gasoline, and entertainment to this man:

Former President Ulysses S. Grant, or our weekly 50-spot. Speaking of Presidents, I have been uplifted as an American, as a human, and as a worker bee by the inauguration of President Barack Obama. I hope you all were able to enjoy it.

But back to Ulysses...some of you have asked how it's been going?

A) I have a lot of food storage: frozen beef, frozen chicken, wheat, flour, sugar etc. That helps! I haven't had to purchase any of these since I started.

B) Having Christmas (including specific food assignments for parties) have loosened the strict budget some weeks. My latest distraction? An indian cooking class last week. I just had to invest in some extra spices and ingredients. All in all, we've stayed pretty close to our budget.

C) Gas is cheap. Limiting driving is essential i.e. when Rainbow Girl has to get into town for choir, we try to get groceries, deliver eggs, at the same time. There has been at least a couple weeks when I said: Sheesh, I'm keeping my fifty for food, and giving myself a free fill-up. I also have tried to cut my ignition in the school pickup lane, or even if I'm at a red light for more than 15 seconds.

D) I'm completely annoyed with coupon-heads. Coupon-heads, defend yourself! I really thought this exercise would force me to be the primo bargain shopper, and have followed lead to the big sales....only to find it's like Black Friday all over again. Sorry, everything on sale disappeared by 8 a.m. At some point, I got a package of thank you coupons from Smith's Marketplace and I got to get 4 things, no strings, for FREE. Those were 1) E.L. Fudge Cookies 2) Twenty-Four Pack of Coca Cola 3) Nature Valley Granola Bars 4) Ritz Crackers. Which tells you something.

Coupons lead you to buy processed sugary foods that make you fat.

Hello? Of course I love E.L. Fudge Cookies. And okay, okay, crackers and granola bars aren't sooo bad....but I prefer to delight when apples are 99cents a pound.

For instance, I overhead one Coupon-Head talking about how much her kids wanted cottage cheese to go on sale, because they liked it so much. Okay my sweets! I'll look for a coupon! We shall eat some cottage cheese by this summer I promise! And although I want to save $45 per transaction, is this really the culture I need to be successful? Can you really not buy your kids a calcium-rich, low-fat, proteined-packed snack because it's not on sale?

Okay, I still love you. Keep saving money and once in a while I'll remember to buy Life Cereal at a buck-fifty before the sale ends...but sometimes I wonder.

and lastly...

E) Thus far, we have saved a Grover Cleveland...almost. So something's working.

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Frugal Tips for the Tirelessly Bored

Since I decided to become the miserly matron of the arts, I decided I would save myself some grocery cash by baking my own bread. I have a Bosch thanks to Missus Mrs. Olsen (mom of The Mister of the House) and I also received a wheat grinder from this same wonderful source. Here is a candid shot when Vanilla Wafer stole the camera at his sissy's Christmas Program.

Thank you Missus Mrs. Olsen. You don't have to buy my love with all your pleasantries...but it sure helps solidify your status as patron saint of preparedness, traditions, families, babies, Christmas, and crazy shoes.

So I have hundreds of pounds of wheat and the recipe from the Bread Diva next door. Now all I need is a gullible and naive suspect....

Enter Sara.

Mrs. Olsen (on the phone): Hey Sara, let's have our kids play together and we can make some homemade bread! I have wheat and a grinder....come over!

Sara: Wow, sounds great! I'll be right over!

If Sara was the patron saint of anything, it would be the patron saint of chill. She is peaceful, accommodating, and thoughtful. She is also a fabulous cook. All that stuff makes her the perfect target for carb-inducing shenanigans. We take turns cranking ten cups of wheat kernels for over three hours, and she makes me lunch.

I'm a genius.

I am sooo very delighted to have a hand grinder for those emergencies that are sure to come at some time or the other. But I promise I had noo idea that it would take so long to turn this wheat into flour. No wonder the Little Red Hen asked for help...and no wonder she ate all the stinkin' bread herself when those ingrates blew her off! Thank you Sara.

Six hours later....

Yum.

p.s. my arm still hurts...

Here's the recipe...

Foolproof Wheat Bread

Regular Batch 5-6 loaves (small batch of 3 loaves in parentheses)

6 C. Warm Water (4 C)

1 1/2 TBL salt (1 TBL)

1/2 C. Oil (1/3 C)

1/2 C. Honey or Brown Sugar (1/3 C)

2 TBL dough enhancer (1 1/2 TBL)

3 TBL Saf Yeast (2 TBL)

10 C. Wheat Kernels (7 C.)

Freshly grind wheat into flour. Add water and several cups of freshly ground whole wheat flour to Bosch mixing bowl with dough hook in place. Mix using a few short bursts of the spring-loaded jogging switch (M'). Add the salt, honey, oild dough enhancer and instant yeast and jog briefly. (If the quality of your wheat is suspect try adding 3-4 TBL gluten also).

NOTE from Mrs. Olsen: My Bread Diva neighbor asked me where I got my wheat "Uh, some lady in the classifieds". Since I didn't buy it from the Bosch store like she does, she said to throw the gluten in. You probably should too.

While the Bosch is kneading at speed one, slowly add whole-wheat flour until dough pulls away from the side of the mixing bowl. This normally will take most of the whole-wheat flour you have ground. It is better to add too little flour than too much flour. Allow the Bosch to knead the dough until the gluten in the whole-wheat flour is properly developed. This takes 8 minutes on speed two, OR 12 minutes on speed one. Turn oven to preheat to 150 degrees (Mrs. Olsen again: mine only goes as low as 170 - that's okay so says the Diva because you turn it OFF when the bread goes in to rise).

Shape into loaves and place in pans already greased with an oil spray - Vegalene is recommended.

Sheesh these bread makers are picky. I've never even heard of this stuff. I just used PAM spray but will be on the lookout for this stuff. My last interjection...promise.

Turn the oven OFF. Put the loaves in the warm oven to rise until double in size (this takes approximately 25 minutes). When the loaves are double in size, set oven to 350 degrees and turn it on (leave the loaves in the oven). Bake f0r 25-30 minutes. When loaves are done, immediately remove from pans and let cool on wire rack. (Hint: So pans won't stick, wipe out while hot and don't wash them).

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Your Garden Wizard is Back

Just because we sport chickens and a big garden does not mean Mrs. Olsen has any idea what she's doing. I had big intentions this year as far as canning, but in the end it appeared to be more a harvest of ideas than actual food. When I went to freeze my corn, it was chewy and hard. When I checked the weather report that told me Sunday was the day of the big frost, I woke up on a Friday to find my nine tomato plants had been violated by an early freeze. My dreams of spaghetti sauce and salsa were smashed.

The little canning I did accomplish this summer was all thanks to my plentiful raspberry patch, apricot and pear tree, and the ever bountiful garden soldier: the zucchini.

This raspberry patch was our surprise inheritance with our house we purchased this summer. Our dwelling is roughly a decade old, and during that time some crazy gardening wizard planted fruit trees, a raspberry patch, perennials, groundcover, and colorful annuals (several neighbors have commented how she had the most amazing flowerbeds ever!....so sorry folks).

That patch just kept producing. I picked my last batch a good two weeks after the frost that destroyed my tomatoes. Who would have thought the sweet delicate flesh of the raspberry was so resilient?

Must be a woman.

Here is some apricot jam. I am smiling just looking at it. Rainbow Girl would pick up the growing apricots and bring them to The Mister of the House and state: "Dad, let's science this!". Through deductive logic, they narrowed their findings to a) fruit b) an estimated ripening date c) either peaches or d) apricots. Shortly thereafter we harvested d) apricots and made them into jam. Mmmmm.

After getting some homemade relish last year, I decided to plant cucumbers so I could make my own. All my cucumbers were bitter, and I was likely bitterly disappointed. I then discovered a recipe to can zucchini relish. It's a sweet relish with onions, corn, and peppers. It's fabulous on burgers and like it's garden source, I've got it coming out my ears.

Relish anyone?

Tell you what, you all leave me a comment with your favorite canning recipe or food preservation tip and I will send a randomly drawn person a jar of this stuff.

So to make up for my canning shortfall from the garden, I decided to can some dry goods. To do this, I reserved a beastly heavy machine from the Bishop's Storehouse. You have to reserve these machines several months in advance.

For 4 days I filled large cans with flour, sugar, rice, dried milk, beans, and oats. I figured out how much to buy according to my family's need through this food storage calculator.

By the end of the week, I had #10 cans lying all over the house. Rainbow Girl artistically stacked them into pyramids.

My house was also disgusting by the end of the week. There's nothing quite like a distracted mom and wandering kids to turn your house upside down.

My storage room is getting fuller, and I happily sit awaiting the apocalypse.

The great thing about renting the canning machine is that you can seal up stuff they won't let you at The Bishop's Storehouse. Here's some garden seeds I sealed up so I can try another harvest of ideas in the future. I also canned some popcorn which should grind up into some yummy cornmeal.

Ten-four over and out!

Love,

Mrs. Olsen

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